Conflicts & 'The Judge'
A self-reflection exercise....to resolve conflicts more constructively
Have you ever found yourself stuck in a cycle of frustration with someone, where both of you feel completely justified in your reactions? And you find yourself thinking, “Why can’t the other person just see how hard they’re making it for me/us.”
This exercise from The Arbinger Institute is provocative, powerful, and frequently (uncomfortably) revalatory. Our Judge has a vested interest in keeping us blind to certain things, because that keeps us the blameless, even noble, party. The truth is always more complicated than that. But for as long as we we blind to it, we are likely to keep on getting more of the very thing we say we don’t want.
This is a deceptively simple four-quadrant exercise, but it uncovers something profound.
This exercise is especially valuable for:
Resolving workplace conflicts
Improving personal relationships
Breaking recurring patterns of frustration
Developing greater self-awareness
Taking ownership of your part in difficult situations
Set aside 15-20 minutes in a private space with paper and pen. This exercise may be uncomfortable at times, but that discomfort is where the real learning happens.
Very Important!
The goal is NOT to ignore or accept unacceptable behavior. Instead, it's about recognizing how our responses to those often escalate rather than resolve them, and finding a more productive path forward.
More from the Arbinger Institute
If you like this exercise, you might these webinars from the Arbigner Institute helpful:
Access the exercise below 👇.
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