The Tragedy of the Fundamental Attribution Error

It's why so much of the feedback we receive just feels wrong

Oct 14, 2022

Scenario A

You’re driving down the road when another car cuts in front of you, causing you to have to brake hard to avoid running into the back of it.

What do you think about the other driver?

If you thought asshole, jerk, inconsiderate, selfish…you’re like most of us.

Scenario B

Now let’s flip the script.

You’ve just been called by your child’s school. There’s been an accident and you need to get to the school as soon as possible. You’re in a state of high anxiety. A car in front of you is moving slowly. Swearing slightly at slow drivers who don’t move over, you pass the car, then cut back to the other lane. You have to get to school as soon as you can.

Are you an asshole, jerk, inconsiderate or selfish? Or are you a desperately worried parent, trying to get to your kid as fast as you can?

Notice what happened here. When the other driver cuts you off, they’re a jerk. When you cut another driver off, it’s circumstances that lead you to do that. Far from being an uncaring, inconsiderate person, you’re a caring parent, desperate to get to your kid.

And this is the fundamental attribution error at play.

It's not personality, it’s circumstances.

When someone else does something that annoys, irritates, hurts or offends us, we tend to go to “they are doing it because it’s who they are”. Near instantaneously we jump to all sorts of conclusions about their character, personality and values.

Our answer to the question ”Why did that driver cut me off,” is “because they’re a jerk, and that’s what jerks do.”

This is the fundamental attribution error.

When we do something that annoys, irritates, hurts or offends someone else, we are doing it because of situations and circumstances. It’s not because we're a bad person, it’s because we’re a good person trying to deal with a situation.

Our answer to the question “Why did we cut the other driver off” is “because I’d just got a call from my child’s school. I had to get there as fast as possible.”

Applying this to feedback we give (and receive)

The fundamental attribution error explains why so much feedback feels so hard, like a criticism and attack on who we are, even when it is couched in terms of our behaviour.

Because it is.

It also explains why we struggle to even see ourselves in the feedback being given. Because it is often much more about them than us. It is about their quick judgements and assumptions of who we are, without them knowing the circumstances that lead to our behaviour.

Our subsequent defensiveness is then utterly predictable.

The next time you find yourself being irritated with someone who is being defensive as you try to give them feedback, ask yourself “What if they’re not lacking in self-awareness. What if they’re not resistant to feedback? What if I’m committing the fundamental attribution error?” Then ask yourself “What do they know that I don’t about the situation?”

It is always something.

And when you know it, their behaviour almost always becomes entirely understandable. You might still need to give them feedback, but now you can do it from a place of true caring and concern, not judging them. And then they are much more likely to actually hear what you have to say.

When you give feedback from a place of judgement, from a place of being in the grips of the fundamental attribution error, it is going to drive disconnection, defensiveness and stonewalling. That’s on you. Not them. Blaming them for now being “resistant to feedback”: that’s just adding insult to injury.

Does this mean it’s going to be a whole lot harder to give feedback? Does this mean you’re going to need to spend the time to do your own work beforehand to identify and clear your judgements, assumptions and fundamental attribution error? Absolutely.

You can make the choice not to do that. But then don’t expect the feedback to land.

Or you can make the choice to do that work. And then you might be beautifully surprised by what can happen.